dreaming

Well Since my last post life has goten quite busy. Choas rules me. Marige is fallig to bits n pieces and I am trying to give a shit!

I love him, I do.... BUT ... why is there always a BUT... But, I have found new cluse to him, I don't like what I have learned. I wish I had learned he was cheating on me, that I cold get over!  THAT I could almost understand... I wish I could get my mind wrapped around this...

Anyways, I digress.... I am still plagued by the hotness of the men surrounding me ... I still can not touch them... but dayum I can dream... and dream I do! At least in my dreams I am treated well. Respected and most importantly (of course) Obeyed! LOL!

Seriously tho. If I do indeed decided to make a break for it, I do believe I will be ok! I am almost at piece with this decision.... almost LOL! how does one become completely ok with admitting defeat??That is something I must work on..

While I work I will continue to dream LOL! Hope these men never stop flirting with me, I do so enjoy the flattery LOL! Flattery will get you everywhere they say.

boooooooooooreddddddddddddddddddd

I sit here. Sick and lonely.
Tried to call hubs n tell him what the doc said,all he could do was rush off the phone... grrrrrrr
i quit... i just need to find ppl to chat with, i am SO freaking lonley and in need of someone to share my life with!! naw im not leaving, i just need a friend local i guess LOL!!

Temptations

Why is it I have been so dang tempted lately!!!

I tell myself 

NOOOOOOOO 

In this loud screaming voice in my head...

then the little whiny voice says 

"but I wannnnaaaaa" 

*sigh*

Where is MY kitchen pass yo! 

This ONE is so tempting the hell outta me. 

Great personality. Funny. Tall. Dark Hair

.... The really odd thing, 

hes not like drop dead HAWT, 

just something about him makes me wanna 

throw him to the floor and teach him a lesson 

RAWWWWRRRRRRR

I see him walking the halls...

all those dark corners there to dip into.. 

the subtle looks... 

try to play off acting all buddy buddy... 

he hasnt the foggiest clue as to what is playing in my lascivious thoughts

Deary me, he would blush... 

BUT WAIT

its not just the ONE

oh no... 

there are many that turn my head! 

I feel like a freaking whore trapped in a saits body

crying and tearing to break free

i doubt ill slip

i know i wont

but the mental torture is pure hell

all those bodies to worship, so far out of reach.

Seroiusly tho... how do I turn it off??? 

there is NWIH I can cross that line 

Why you ask? Well, many reasons

-work with him

-no time for dating

-no energy to keep the workplace secrets

- oh ya, and well the marriage thing!!!! (HA) 

ya.... Im screwed huh....or, well, NOT screwed as the case is ......

LOL

I know, Ima Dork!

Roller Coaster of Life

Where there are ups there must be downs I spose... I'd trade all my ups this month for a friend.
Its been a great month for me. I got published. Reconized at work. A's in college. I was sick, but I got better fast. Things have been pretty good with the hubs. Quilt got finished. Quilt got started. All sortsa great things ....

Then there is the friend. Now he and I have never met. We had an online class together. Hes a good guy and has a good girl friend. They were blessed 26 weeks ago with a pregnancy and for so long everything went fine. Then last week she went into labor. The tiny boy struggled for a week and then today tragedy struck and he was lost to them. I have no words of comfort to offer them. I am not local to offer a shoulder. I can not bring them casseroles or food. I can't do any housework for her. Flowers will wilt and remind them of death. What the hell do you do? I would gladly trade my accomplishments that I have had this month to help them heal... wish it worked that way huh.

Come out Come out

where ever you are!!!

I am BORED!! Whats a bored housewife to do??
*le Sigh*
I need someone to talk to
or somewhere to go!!!

I am to old to club...its just not fun anymore when the cute guys are over a decade younger than you...
I have a feeling I may end up a cougar one day LMAO

I dont wanna sit home!! BOOOORING
I want to go hiking...but its dark and COLD and the state parks are closed!

the world is against me LOL!!!!
ok not the world, but ts fun to pout n say that hehehehe


maybe I'll write a book.....naw, no one wants to listen to me bitch n moan in fiction LOL!

So i guess I will sit here and day dream of hot sandy beaches with clear clear water, and sexy half naked men serving me tantalizing beverages whilst I sway in a hammock under the palm trees....

or I could just do my homework LMAO!!!!

Coming out to play

As I get ready to start my new year I think back on the past

o.0  thirty (ish)  0.o

years of my life. 

I know that I have been one lucky chick!!

I am forever grateful for the many things I have been blessed with. 

I have been blessed not to ever go with out something I have needed for survival. 

There were times that things were tight,

but I always have had food clothing and shelter, 

I have never been thirsty without a drink, or hungry with out a meal. 

it may have been water and a cup o noodles but it was there! 

I have had the opportunity for education, 

tho many times when I was younger I brushed this opportunity under the rug...

I have been employed when I needed employment 

and have never had to do work I did not want to do.

I of course had my burger (and taco) slinging days back in my youth 

but as I grew older, my jobs matured with me!! 

I have been lucky to be Loved, 

and have been to lucky to Love. 

Even though I have lost family I have loved, 

I was blessed to have them with me at all.

Throughout all this I have managed to be lost.

How in the world does a person so blessed wander off the path so badly... 

I seem to have been walking in circles so long that a rut is dug in the Earth 

so deep I can not step off the path. 

traping me... keeping me...boring me. 

I have struggled all these years to know who I am. 

Honestly I doubt I know who I am even now... 

I married the man I thought was perfect for me, 

10 years later we are still together, but I am left longing for more. 

No, not more men!

But more love, affection and attention 

from him. 

By the way he talks and treats me I wonder if I am even more than a maid and a whore for him. 

The sad thing is , I really don't care !!! 

I am OK if we split up, I am OK if we remain together... 

How corrupt is that!  

I sit here knowing the only reason we are together is that it is cheaper and more convenient to be so. 

I am OK with this...

Marriage counselor I am not LOL! 

The main regret I have in this is having lost myself along the way. 

I have bent to many times just to avoid the fight, shied away from talking to him for fear of boring him, throughout all this I have managed to squash my inner me. 

She is screaming for me to take charge, and in the past I have told her to STFU 

but now with the start of my journey I will unleash her!

She WILL be heard!!! 

She will be given what she needs to become who she needs to be! 

I will be the person of my dreams!

I dream of a more complete me... 

This WILL be the year I start the journey! 

I do not know if I will get all the answers I desire, 

but I will map out how to get there. 

My first step is to climb out of the rut I have trudged into the Earth... 

In order to do this I need to know WHO I want to be when the journey is done.  

Who am I now?

Right now I strive to be kind, caring, loved, and loving on a daily basis. 

I think those are the MAIN things in life, so I am good there

What else do I want?

I want to be bold, daring, forthright, and self assure. 

How will I get there??? 

oh hell I don't know!!

maybe if I start with one , I can put the rest in place behind that! 

To me the most important on that list is 

Self Assure

I will eat better, do Yoga, and hit the gym. 

If I feel and look better I am sure to make a good start at meeting this goal! 

Watch out world 

~Maeve~

is coming out to play!!!

Introducing ME

Ok, Not so new at Blogging, Usually have a few followers but they are family and I need an escape. I will not be importing people from the origanal blog, they don't need yet another way to keep tabs on me now do they :P

I will vent bitch moan wine rant and rave. deal with it, join in or move on! At the end of the day this is for ME and me only. a way to journal or destress or whatever the hell I want. I don't need any more negativity and I dont need a date so move on if these are your intentions. trust me, Ive had enough of the opposite sex for awhile!!

Want to reply do so but if its nasty I will delete it PDQ! Don't fuck with me and I wont fuck with you.....K? also, when i bitch please don't tell me how it could all be worse, cuz at that point in time i dont care what could be , or will be , i only care what IS